Yesterday was my sister’s birthday. The last time I was able to sing Happy Birthday to her was 1999. Losing her was the most difficult experience of my life. In an instant, our lives were changed forever. I went through some dark moments. Though I was hurt from the depth of my soul, God still kept me and pushed me to get up when I didn’t want to do anything productive and when needed He carried me on the days when my legs seemed too heavy to move.
He held me close then and continues to do so and I am oh so thankful. As a result, I am committed to love. He loved me when I couldn’t love. He loved me when I didn’t know how to love myself. He loved me so much that He gave me my greatest gifts – salvation, Bryson & Bria. I’ve learned from the Lord and my sister about the power of love. To think that this littlw person could love me so much was crazy but she did. Weeda looked up to and loved me in a special way. Experiencing her love has made me a better person….a better Mama. Experiencing her love, allowed me to shower her with love (even when I fussed at her) without fear of her not loving me or judging me. When I looked in her eyes, I always saw her love for me and when I was with her especially I felt her love, even when she got on my nerves by telling everythingand wanting to follow me everywhere. That was a part of love. She should have told on me if I did wrong and she wanted to follow me everywhere because she loved me and looked up to me. I didn’t realize many of those things until after she was gone but one thing was for sure from day 1: we had each others back and I pray that she always knew and knows now how much I love her and how much she has shaped my life. I believe she is smiling down along with my Granny and grandfathers.
Her life and death reminds me how precious life is. We must make time for one another and show our love. I will love my kids and all of my loved ones from the depths of my soul and I will share care and sisterly love to those who I encounter. I don’t take life or motherhood lightly. I cherish every moment spent with Bryson and Bria, even the tough moments. I admonish and instruct. I am referee and break up arguments. I’m their driver and an active participant in all of their events. I am their coach, cheerleader, advocate, nurse, counselor, chef, accountability partner, protector when able, prayer intercessor, nurturer, and provider. I dance, sing, and on certain occasions freestyle (yes I can rap) with them. I pray with them, cry with them and laugh with them. Add all of those things together wrapped with love = Me (their Mama)!
Through the hurt and pains of life, I’ve learned so much. I’ve been blessed and am blessed with beautiful people in my life. Because love lifted me, I can love others and I’m thankful. Today is one of my shouting and praising days. My heart is filled with gratitude. 🙌🏾