This weekend was as busy as every other weekend but I had a few hours of uninterrupted time. It was during that time that I came across this song. Immediately, tears started to fill my eyes as I heard Esthero heartfelt voice: “I am a black mermaid, from the bottom of the sea. I will teach you how to love me, into greatness I will lead you”.
As open as I am about my life and as confident as I am, I’ve always heard this child-like voice that latered matured who said I was different and complex. I didn’t know if that was good or not so ultimately the voice convinced me that felt that I was hard to love. At one point, I even felt the complexity of being Tameka, made it difficult for even my parents to love. Not to mention, I wasn’t winning at relationships either so it had to be me.
At 43, eyes and heart wide open, I can tell that you that I am a Black Mermaid. How unique is that? And I have learned that I am not difficult to love. Love itself can be difficult in action because life has hardened so many of us. I have an in depth understanding now that people can only love within their ability to love and that looks different for everyone. Whether people understand me or not, I am beautiful and loved. Thankfully, my relationship grows stronger daily with God, my children, my parents and with the people around me. I now know what love looks like, feels like and sounds like. I know what beauty looks like, sounds like and embodies.
With relationships and in life, we all have the right to determine what we will and will not allow. How we treat and view ourselves plays a big part in that. I am wonderfully complex as designed. Life, hurt, pain, joys and the love of God have given me a wisdom that I am tremendously grateful for having. I will not rush relationships, I will allow them to mature naturally and allow myself to love as my heart, mind and soul tells me. Even during a time when I felt as if I should have shut the world off because of howI had been treated, God softened my heart, He softened me, and allowed me to keep loving & taught me to love at a greater level.
Through prayer, reflection, soul searching and God’s love, I understand myself more. I love myself more. I know my worth. I am beautiful from the inside out. I am a rare jewel and so are you. I love from the depths of my soul and I will experience love on many levels but most importantly I will show people how to love me through the love that I give them and by what is allowed and what’s not.
“I am a black mermaid, from the bottom of the sea. I will teach you how to love me, into greatness I will lead you”.
I am fearfully, wonderfully made and so are you. I am unique and beautifully designed and so are you. See it, feel it, embrace it. May God’s peace and grace be with us as we keep pressing forward.