Coming off of a turbulent weekend, I found myself in deep thought multiple times today. I had to pull myself from this deep sadness and I didn’t know why. I wondered if Saturday’s event had stirred up old emotions but it hadn’t. After I wrote my blog yesterday, I was okay because I shared my story to hopefully help others and that is therapeutic in itself. I know the power of a testimony. So, why was I sad?
Mid-afternoon I finally realized what was going on. I was getting ahead of myself again. God has always revealed things to me early. A few years ago, God clearly revealed some promises over my life that exceeded anything I’ve ever imagined! I get excited everytime I think of them and I know that He has only showed me a glimpse.
Recently, I’ve been making plans as if some of the promises were already here. As excited as I’ve been, I heard a soft voice today say “Not yet…not now”. Tears instantly filled my eyes because I was so excited that I shared my plans with my Mama and close friends. I’ve been planning and was about to put plans into action within the next week or so. I thought out loud, “God, what do you mean not yet”?
I started to ignore the voice but then quickly reminded myself that I entered into the new year saying that God was doing something new in me and whatever He wants me to do in this season, I want to do it. Even when it is not now and so difficult that my heart literally hurts.
Today, I had to dig deep and I reminded myself that what God has for me, is for me. It’s true that sometimes we have to encourage ourselves. And we surely have the fight the lies of the enemy with the promises from God. As a result, all is well with my soul. I am more than a conqueror. I serve a God who never leaves or forsakes me. My God has a plan and purpose for my life. A plan to prosper me and not harm me. If He said it, I believe it!
I humbled myself and through tears, contacted my friends and told them that I was putting a pause on the plans that we all were so excited about. After fully explaining myself, they understood that though I am hurting inside, my desire is to please God. Additionally, they also understand that the plans that God has for my life will come to pass because no one can block God’s plans. As tough as today has been, I praise God for my growth and dependence on Him and not myself. I admit, I have a control problem BUT in this season and moving forward as He tells me or in this case, slowing down. I’ve have decided to follow God, trusting Him and His plans for my life fully.
I had to reframe my self-talk and turn my doubtful weariness into hopeful strength. We may fall on uncertain times after being 100% certain, but we must stand on God’s promises and stay encouraged. God’s plans, not ours. The best has yet to come! May God’s peace and grace be with you as we keep pressing forward or even when you are called to slow down.