For years I coached my son’s basketball team but recently transitioned to the sideline to focus on just being Mama & Team Mom. I thought I was ready yet I am finding the change…the transition much more difficult than I thought. My track record was pretty good as a coach so watching & having no control is frustrating to say the least.
I find myself quickly passing judgment against his coach for how he has dealt with the kids in the past yet the reality is I have choices: leave him on the team & trust the coach or find a more suitable team. Last night as I watched my son sit on the bench while new kids with no practice started the game, I felt my temperature rising. Despite it all, I kept quiet & told my son to focus & cheer his team on. When he finally got in the game, he shot the ball, missed it then I heard someone from the stands yell for him to pass the ball to someone who could shoot. My mind swirled as I watched the clock & watched hoping that someone sitting by the person would say something but it didn’t happen. For those who know me, you know that this story is about to take a turn for the worst. 🤔😐😡😞
5…4…3…2…1. The buzzer went off & before I knew it, I was off the clock, across the court & fussing at my family including the kids’ Dad for not saying something when the person yelled at our kid. My family stared at me with confusion & I thought, “I know y’all heard her” while a softer voice said, “maybe they didn’t.” The reality is, I was worked up off the assumption that they had to hear her because I did. My love for basketball runs deep & my love for my son & the kids on the team even deeper. I am in tune with everything that happens during a game while others may not be. Maybe they didn’t hear her. My Dad & Mama J were playing with the kids. Bobby was talking to Jason. Maybe….they didn’t hear her & I’ve lost my cool. 😞
My two minutes were up so I had to finish running the score board. My initial thoughts still were to check the person myself after the game. Don’t mess with Bryson or Bria ever, I thought to myself. Then I collected myself & remembered a promise I made to myself years ago. I must model what’s right for my kids & for others even when it’s tough. They are learning from me & I must practice what I preach. Then reality set in that I had just lost it & in that moment, I looked foolish, not the other person, especially since the others didn’t hear all that was said. People may not have heard her comment BUT they surely heard all of mine & saw me clearly. I failed a test that I have been passing for a long time. My 2 minutes of “protection” were actually 2 minutes of shame that didn’t reflect my best. My emotions got the best of me.
By the time I made it home, I was embarrassed by my behavior & thoughts swirled through my mind. Why did I loose it like that? Come on Tameka! I know my son is talented. Who cares about what that lady said? Her words don’t make or break Bryson because I am training him up. We are training him up & his family has his back. We built him with a strong foundation in the Lord. He has this!
So, why did I lose it? Did I have built up frustration? Yes. Toward the Coach not her. Did I have hidden frustration about unresolved matters of the heart with my Dad & Bobby. I don’t think so. Well, maybe, but it didn’t have anything to do with this situation. Or maybe I was just used to my Mama being there. She would have checked the lady without hesitation. But did I really want that to happen? Truth moment, yes I did. In that moment, YES! Because Mama Bear was on the loose.🤷🏽♀️
Ahhhh, Mama Bear. My alter ego. The side of me that lacks self-control at times. My kids are a trigger. I realized that I was attempting to cover my child at all costs because as a kid, there were times when I felt uncovered & unprotected. I don’t ever my kids to feel that way.
As the light bulb brightened my awareness, I settled on the fact that it all worked out for the best even in my 2 minutes of foolishness. That moment brought awareness to some childhood & adult wounds. It was a reminder that I cannot control everything or everyone & that I still have work to do. 2 minutes can be powerful. 2 minutes can be a game changer. Thankfully, I had enough sense by the end of the game to not address the Mom or anyone else. In 2 minutes, we could have taken the spotlight off the kids & shut down the game. Those 2 minutes could have lead to the worst example ever. I know better & I hold myself accountable to do better. We have power in our words & actions. We can build someone up or tear them down. We can encourage or discourage. We can bring harmony or chaos. All in 2 minutes, 120 seconds.
As much as I love my son, I can’t shield him or my daughter from people talking negativity about them. I cannot expect for others to respond as I would, build up not tear down. I surely needed to search my heart to ensure that I have forgiven & released any past wounds or old, unproductive behaviors. Shoot, folks talked about Jesus so we know they’ll talk about us. People speak negatively about me, with or without my knowledge, but I can’t grow weary in doing good. No excuses.
I owned my truth. #1 If my son wants to start or stay on the court, he must work harder than others. Additionally, when the Rebels win or lose, we do it as a team. #2 which probably should have been #1… I was out of of line so I apologized to my family & every parent that was in ear shot. I made a commitment to push myself harder to be my best & continue to do the same for my kids. #3 but very signficant, sadly, I cannot take my words or frustration back. The moment happened. 2 minutes that I cannot recover or redo. That’s how important each day, each moment, each minute is to us. Our words are forever captured in the mind & in the heart.
My son loves basketball & he will be the best player that he can be with hard work, self-discipline & commitment. He will be the best person he can be in life. I pray that the Lord strengthens him so nothing will dim his bright smile. I am committed to being my best at all times & I will be with focus, hard work, self-discipline & the Holy Spirit. This setback was necessary (I have hidden emotions to deal with) but it will not stop my forward progression. I prayed tonight that God will guard my heart, heal my heart, control my tongue & guide my actions. My desire is to please God. When I do that, everything is well & working for my good and my kids’ good. I want to make the most of my days on earth. Every day matters. Our actions matters. Our words matter. Everything we do & say matters. Life is filled with choices & we must pray for wisdom & choose wisely. I pray that you learn this reflection & seek to identify those hidden areas that still need work. Use your minutes wisely.
May God’s peace & grace be with you as we keep pressing forward.