Recently, I spoke up for a group of people/friends who felt they were mistreated by someone who I also considered a friend. I’ve done this all my life so speaking up to my friend shouldn’t have been a problem, right? Wrong!
When I speak, I am open, honest and respectful. However, I was not treated with the same respect. I was basically told that I needed to stay in my place, be quiet and learn how to follow. In that moment, as I felt my face grow hot and tears filled my eyes, I got up and walked away. Oh, I forgot to mention that this occurred in front of others (the ones who felt mistreated).
The scene was hurtful and uncomfortable. But I praise God that I had enough maturity to walk away and not allow myself to continue to experience the disrespect. I praise God that I didn’t fight back or literally fight, like I used to in the past. 👀🤷🏽♀️
I went home and cried, then cried some more and when I finally fell asleep, I cried in my sleep. Words can never be taken back so though I forgive him, I still remember the words and his look. My heart still aches slightly because it was only a few days ago and it is my belief that the person’s true feelings came out during their outburst. I believe he cares for me as a friend but he also feels that I am a woman who is too strong-willed and need to stay in a “woman’s place”.
That night, I had no one to talk to, except God. With swollen eyes and a hurt heart that’s been hurt one too many times, I was able to still feel peace as I cried out to God. I poured my heart out to him and asked for strength and direction. Eventually, I slept for a few hours and when I woke up, I heard Him clearly say that I was okay and to remember that I am fearfully made. He reminded me that He was still answering my prayers. In my sadness and confusion, I was also reminded that God called for me to be exactly who I am…Bold and Courageous…and no one, no matter their position or status, can dim the light that God has given me. In that moment of discomfort, I grew closer to God and I grew stronger in His strength.
I asked God years ago to reveal people to me and to extract people from my life who need to go. And if they won’t go, I asked for strength to walk away. Since that prayer in 2014, things and people have been revealed. I have walked away from some people and some people have walked away from me. Today, I can say that through the hurt and pain, God is still amazing! Not only is He answering my prayers, He is strengthening me so that I can endure and come out of each situation stronger and wiser; kinder and more loving. I, the former fighter, can now say, forgive them Lord for they know not what they do.
So, as crazy as it sounds. I am thankful for my years of discomfort but also anticipate my amazing season of greater! I know that the past 5 years have been a part of a Divine discomfort, a prolonged season of pruning, that I needed to endure. It was necessary in order to prepare me for my destiny.
I pray that you all stay encouraged in the journey. Life will get complex and uncomfortable at times BUT it really is working for our good. God is with us and He never leaves us. He has a plan for our lives and it is amazing!
May His peace and grace be with you as we keep pressing forward.